I'm holding on before it fades away.

Days like these you just can't help, but want to pen down thoughts, feelings that had been suppressed in your mind, your heart for the longest time. What is it that we're all looking forward to? What is it that motivates us to want to wake up, to move along, every single day? Soul searching, self reflection had become such a huge part of everyday thoughts. What surprises me is the fact that at some point of time, when you feel like you've grown so much stronger, so much wiser, you start to be taken aback by something else that made you realised that after all, you're not yet that strong and wise as you thought you are. It is just emotions and tears being suppressed in your attempt to run away, but somehow at a certain point of time, you break down, you cry, and you think about why you ran in the first place. Was it fear? Was it insecurities? Or was it merely pride? There is so much to learn, so much to feel, and so much to share that it seems like one lifetime is insufficient. So how do we come to be like those who seemed to have everything, whom everyone envied for their possessions, tangible or not. It feels like it is a lifetime of chasing, chasing after things you desire, people you desire. Are those who end up with nothing at some point of time necessarily losers? Or are they just recharging so that they can continue the chase for those desires? One thing that seemed universal no matter if you lose or win the chase is that with companionship, the chase somehow becomes easier, much comforting. Without companionship, it is just a race that only has you in the scene. Its times like this when you feel somewhat sandwiched between wanting to be able to share all these thoughts with a close one whom you can trust, and wanting to just shut yourself from the world in your tiny cosy bedroom free from harm. It is my hope that one day, I will be able to abandon those "What If (s)" to the back of my mind and be brave enough to take a step towards the imagined future that I envisaged. Whether the ending of the story is the one that I desired, at least I've taken that chance in attempting to build the future that I wanted. Only then, there would only be regrets that things did not happen the way I wanted them to, but not of regrets that I've never tried.

Live to fight another day.

 

NEEDS TO GO ON A PHOTO TRIP SOON!

TWO MORE TO GO!


The past papers had been screw ups. Two more to go and i'll be free! The past week had been dreadful, but friday was awesome! I just rejected an offer of a trip to ikea to get new bedsheets, cus I wanted to study. But I've no idea why I'm here now. Godma just reminded me of my silly wish when I was in sec one. She said I wanted a boyf who wouldn't be embarrassed to spend mid autumn festival with me holding lanterns and sparkles and walking on the streets. HAHAHA. Which reminds me, I haven't had my share of snow skin and ice cream mooncakes!

Till then,

I SHOULD BE STUDYING!




Cus all of the stars have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way,
And stop crying your heart out.

When all of the stars were faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see us some day.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way,
And stop crying your heart out.